December 08, 2022
By Josh Honeycutt
Bowhunting in America has a rich heritage filled with traditions, one of which includes life as a hunting buddy. But there are good hunting buddies, and there are bad ones. Here are a few fictional hunting buddies who fill deer camps throughout America. Don’t be these guys.
Lee is that guy who puts in none of the work but expects all the reward. Everyone in camp invests time, sweat, and energy, but Lee offers none. He always has an excuse to be elsewhere on workdays, and even when he’s present, he kicks rocks and acts busy while everyone else carries the weight.
Larry is always late to the hunt meetup. Whether it’s to meet and ride together on a one-day hunt, setting off on a road trip to a week-long hunt destination, or going to put out a load of corn, “on time” is always out of the question.
Tony is always above everything. He’s always better than everyone around him. No gear is advanced enough. No treestand location is good enough. No buck is big enough. Everything is less than it should be. Oh, and he’s too good to do any work around camp or in the woods. You’re lucky if he drags his deer.
Perry loves a good prank, and there’s nothing at all wrong with that. Every deer camp needs a good prank by week’s end. But Perry takes it too far — every time. Pranks occur too frequently. And every prank is too big. From plastic wrap across the toilet to deer mounts on trail cameras, he runs the gamut.
Garry is all about the good spots, and always seems to get there before everyone else. He never lets up, either. He sits the best stands every single time, and there is no changing it. He’s self-centered and doesn’t even consider going to a lesser spot so someone else can have their day.
Bobby is one of those insecure guys we all know who tries to impose his will on everyone around him. It’s his way or no way at all. You know, just the typical guy who thinks he can treat people however he wants. Unfortunately, there are people like that in deer camps around America.
Cal wants to be the camp boss, but he doesn’t have the cred to be one. He isn’t nearly the oldest, most experienced, or even the best at anything. He just thinks he is, and proceeds to be the guy who tells everyone else what to do. Eventually, he’ll run into a wall with this problem, or perhaps even a fist.
Barry is about as messy as it gets. His truck is so full you can barely climb in. There’s only enough room for his gear because of all the unrelated stuff stacked in it. At camp, his things are in every room taking up every available space. And he never cleans. He leaves that to everyone else.
Lonnie sounds like a chainsaw after dark. He’s the first to crash and immediately begins sawing logs like it’s his livelihood. Of course, it keeps everyone else from sleeping. But that doesn’t matter to loud-snoring Lonnie, he never listens to anyone’s subtle attempts at encouraging remedies.
Al has quite the mouth on him. Of course, most of the time it’s just jests and good fun. Most of the time, it doesn’t get that serious. But regardless of the specific banter and chest-beating, it’s always just that — talk. Al never backs up his machoism and big-time claims with any sort of performance. He’s all talk, no walk, unless it’s up to someone new to talk about how great he is.
Brandon is all about how good he is, too. Sometimes he has reason to talk, and sometimes not, but he always tells you about it. He spares no detail of his big adventures and successes. And if you have a story to tell, his is better.
You know that hunter who can’t shoot to save his life? That’s bad-shot Bill. Everyone has misses and mishaps, but he makes bad shot after bad shot and doesn’t do anything to keep it from happening again. No practice. No improvement. Just continual bad shooting and wounded deer.
The camp deer hunter who has no backbone is scaredy-cat Steve. He never admits it, but you can tell he doesn’t want to walk to the stand that’s farthest away or in a spooky spot. He won’t go hunt the stand where the black bear showed on trail camera. And you almost always must go pick him up when the coyotes start howling.
Frugality is a good thing, but penny-pincher Pete takes it too far. He refuses to cover his part of the bill, and always has an excuse. He has the money to spend and carry his part of the weight but refuses to cover his fair share. Instead, he lets others foot the bill, and he slyly capitalizes on the dollars of others.
Like Pete, Nick has the money to spend on gear. He can afford to purchase some needed stuff. But instead of being an equal contributor, he always uses other people’s items. While there is nothing wrong with borrowing, there’s no end in sight, and he makes no effort to replace gear contributions with sweat equity, either.
Harry is the type that requires the best of the best. Whether it’s his, or yours, it better be the best, or he wants no part of it. High maintenance is Harry’s middle name, and it takes a serious level of quality to keep him happy.
Always ready to share his most recent sap story, whiny-butt Willy is continually expressing his downtrodden state of mind. There’s nothing positive about him. Everything that spews forth from his mouth is negative in nature. It’s constant whining and woe-is-me from this guy. There’s no time for positive energy. Willy consumes it like a black hole.
There are many different “types” that we can place on this list of terrible hunting buddy tales. Still, the point remains — there are many ways to be “that guy” in deer camp. Don’t become someone who constantly causes others strife. Be good. Be positive. Be someone who brings light to others, rather than bringing them down. Put good out into the world, and it will be a better place, even the deer woods.